"Need to Drink More Water"
1. Human body is make of 60-70% water, which means that it needs to get at least 2-3 liters of water everyday in order to get through the day and support of organs. For, since I was little my mother have been trying to make me drink more water because it depends on us to give to our bodies the amount of fluids that it needs.
2. Water plays a very important role in our lives. For example, when we dont drink the correct amount of water our bodies can suffer a lot complications, like kidney problems, urinary infections constantly headaches, dizziness, heart problems or circulatory problems, temperature, digestion and our vision. If we have any of this symptoms it means that our bodies needs more water, that is 3 liters per day. That would be around 8 tall glasses of water everyday. Also, the amount of water that a person need depends of how much their weight is. Furthermore, water also helps our skin to look naturally hydrate, glowing and healthy; who doesn't like the idea of having a healthier skin and looking glamorous all day.
3. On the other hand, are people whom doesn't like to drink water, in this case myself. Water do not have a color, odor, or taste. But I do feel a taste on it. For instance, I have try a varity of water flavory drinks, which either make me hyperactive or upset my stomach. So know I am trying to drink a extra finger of water in each glass of water that I drink daily (Which is not more than 3-4). If I get to drink more than 4 glasses a day God knows that is a miracle and I deserve heaven. Mean while, I would stick to my plan and drink an extra finger for every day for every glass of water, as long as I drink some water.
4. In conclusion, A lack of water can be very dangerous for us or any living creature in the planet. Because it helps our body in an imaginable ways. The most important part is that human body can survive seven days without food, but no more that three without water. And before those three days past human body would show symptoms of dehydration. If we dont give our bodies we would be like a fish with not water, Death or close to it beacuse we can have many other complications.
I think that I might need some feedback on my organization. :)
ReplyDelete- I feel that the thesis statement isn't clear. I had a problem with that too. I think I still do. Dr. McCormick said that a thesis statement has to be something you can argue. It seems to me like your thesis is more of a fact. It’s clear that it’s a statement rather then a question. Your thesis can be strengthened if you create an opinion. Basically something that you feel is right and someone else may feel other wise. I'm probably having the same problem too.
Delete- I believe that you can grab people’s attention by asking a question as the first sentence of your intro. You can come up with a clever question because there really are a lot of people that don’t like drinking water including me. It's disgusting to me!!
- Paragraph 1; sentence 1 can use rephrasing that way it doesn't sound like you're using the word "day" a lot.
- In your introduction you can specify how much water you will like to drink by a certain time period. Your goal has to be more clear. For instanced you probably might want to be able to drink water regularly by the year 2014.
- Your essay map is clear enough. I see the essay broken into paragraphs and each one has been indented letting me know I’ve came across a new one. In your paragraphs maybe you can talk about your self in the intro. Then in the second paragraph you can speak about the role that water has in our lives and why it is good for you. In the third maybe the negative effects not drinking water does to you and in your fourth maybe the process of accomplishing your goal.
- In the second sentence you are missing or misspelled a word I think its "For instance" or "Ever since" I was a little...
- In paragraph 2 in between "a lot" and "complications" you might want to insert the word "of" and remove the comma after 'complications'. In that same sentence change the word "constantly" to "constant". Also fix the grammar in listing of complications.
Thanks for editing mine ! Byee :) :)